Address: Smolensky Bul., 12 (several other locations citywide)
Phone: 8499 246-6902
Web: http://www.tarasbulba.ru/
Smolenskaya
Price: 800 rubles p/p
Shit-o-meter: -3 stars
This place is useful for one thing—taking your parents for a traditional meal when they’re visiting Moscow. Other than this:
I can’t understand what makes this a Ukrainian restaurant. The food seems to be the same as Russian. Kholodets, selyodka pod shuboy (“herring in a fur coat”) etc. Does this mean, all those times I’ve told people I love Russian food, I’ve actually been meaning “I love Ukrainian food”?
Taras Bulba is very un-Ukrainian. For instance:
1. It has gas.
2. It doesn’t try to steal your gas. My lighter sat untouched on the table all night! It was a table full of Russians and Europeans carrying gas, and nothing was robbed! (Must’ve been tempting for them though…)
On the other hand, I have had some truly Ukrainian experiences here in the past. For instance:
On a recent visit, we witnessed a group of 4 men eating and drinking vodka at a table nearby. When one of the men unexpectedly vomited on the floor, they picked up their food and drink and moved to the neighbouring table. They sat there eating and drinking until the vomit was cleaned up, then promptly moved back, not missing a beat.
Interestingly, they have menus in maybe 20 different languages including Albanian! Out of interest I picked up the Albanian menu, curious to find out what the Albanian language could possibly look like. Unfortunately there were only pictures. Seems Albania hasn’t invented the alphabet yet… Oh well, I’m sure the Albanians more than make up for this in other fields… Whatever that may be. (Right: The Albanian menu)
In general though, the situation is the same as with any Moscow restaurant. On a recent visit, several of my companions decided to try the “golubtsy”. … NYETU. What a surprise. Ok, let’s take the “dryaniki” then… NYETU! I also recall a time when there was no fish at all. They just didn’t have it. Absolutely no fish. Why can’t they say “Sorry sir, we don’t have fish today, as there was a problem with the delivery. Though we highly recommend you try the…… and we’re sure you’ll be satisfied”. Though I guess they’ve got a point—saying NYETU does save a lot of time…
Curiously, the waiters here have taken ignoring customers to new levels. They’ve installed electronic alarms at each table, whereby if you press the button, your table number flashes up on a special wrist band, worn by each waiter. Having been there on a Monday night (when wait-staff outnumber patrons 3:1), I decided to put this to the test. 3 waiters walk past and ignored me (one of them twice) before anyone came to the table. I wonder if it would’ve made a difference if I’d thrown the alarm at them… Doubt it.
Completely typical Russian place. But mum liked it, so it gets an extra point.
No comments:
Post a Comment