VINOSYR

     Type: Bar
     Address: Maliy Palashevsky per., 6
     Phone: 739-1045
     Web: www.vinosyr.ru

     Pushkinskaya

     Price: 1500 rub. p/p

                                                                                Shit-o-meter: minus 4

Had just been to a concert at the Kremlevsky Dvorets (this is a separate story all together), so I was in a more or less cultural/intelligencia mood. Decided to go for a bottle of wine and some cheese at Vinosyr.

I like the atmosphere at this place. Basically, it’s a small, rather long area, with a large table down the middle and stools either side. Therefore, you’re effectively sitting at the same table as other people. This is an original idea, and works quite well. In addition, the wine list is large, and there are no fancy cocktails, and no sushi available. Despite this, there are still quite a lot Russian girls here.

I thought “What better way to spend this Friday night than with a couple of bottles of the world’s finest wine—Australian”. There were three Australian reds to choose from, prices ranging from 700 rubles—3600. Naturally, I went for the 700 ruble bottle.

The response from the waitress was a sharp NYETU with a shake of the head and a stupid conciliatory pursing of the lips. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Ok, the next cheapest was for 1100 rubles. AGAIN NYETU!!! For the sake of my girlfriend, I didn’t get too upset, and ordered a bottle of South African instead. (Which was not nearly as good as the Aussie.)

We basically drank and ate our way through the night. Sampled some relatively delicious and cheap cheese and meat plates. Then some “tyolki” sat down opposite us! Uh oh!

My g/f hates all “tyolki” except for the 2 “best friends” she has (who are not counted as “tyolki”). The rest are her mortal enemies. I noticed an immediate exchange of evil glances between the tyolki and my tyolka. It’s the kind of glance the Terminator gives when he scans the target for concealed weapons and weak points.

The subconscious war reached its apex when my g/f very “accidentally” spilt an entire glass of dessert wine across the table, in a forward-flicking motion, very effectively SPRAYING the evil tyolki with sticky, red goo. WOW! What a shot! This was a highlight of the night! (see right:The key is to come from under the glass and use the knuckle area between the “pinky” finger and ring finger on the back of the hand.)

So the evening was eventful, and the food was delicious, but I will NEVER get my head around WHY whatever I order is constantly NYETU. Why have these friggin wines on the list if you can’t stock them? I think it’s very simple. There are heaps of wine importers in Moscow, who could supply you with wine. Take this guy for example—Grant Dodd. I don’t even know him, but I know he imports Australian wines. It’s not rocket science, you just call the guy and tell him what you need. If you run out, he can deliver. WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?

So they lose two points. I don’t see a reason to come to a place called Vinosyr, if you can’t order the best wine in the world. But the war of the tyolki was fun.(Right:DEAR GIRLS: I also advise to be wary of this commonly-used tactic. Most common in “elitny” Moscow clubs, especially used by more overweight girls (as seen here).

UPDATE:

THE NYETU CURSE CONTINUES AT VINOSYR! On a recent visit, we decided we wanted some nuts. Out of a choice of 5—we liked 4 kinds. All of which were NYETU (except for the 5th kind which we don’t like). After the wine, we decided to take a whisky and cola of which there are 3 in my price range.
Scottish Prince—NYETU,
Jameson—NYETU;
Lauders—EST…….
Cola—NYETU!!!!!

How can you NOT have cola in a restaurant?? It’s like not having a table or a waiter—it’s incredible. Can you imagine coming to a restaurant, and the waiter says sorry—tables NYETU?!?! It’s the same for cola. For f*ck’s sake… MINUS ONE POINT (from original minus 2).
Though they did have the cheap Australian wine which I wanted the first time (but I noticed that they’d taken the other 2 off the list).

FINAL UPDATE:

The clientele of this place has changed. From what was a fairly intelligent, quite bohemian crowd, you can now only find teenagers. The kind that get drunk off one sip of Jaguar. They've flooded the place, and I can say, that due to this, I'll never return to Vinosyr. I guess after all, it's impossible to have a reasonably priced bar in the centre of Moscow - it's "too cheap" for normal Russians, and consequently is visited only by bydlo. Another point lost.