U GIOVANNI

Type: Italian
Address: Samotechnaya ul., 13
Phone: 681-13-26

                                                                                    Web: www.ugiovanni.ru

                                                                                    Tsvetnoy Bulvar

                                                                                    Price: 800 rubles p/p

                                                                                    Shit-o-meter:

                                        

After living in Moscow for 3.5 years, this is the FIRST Italian restaurant I’ve ever been to. I always thought “Why spoil my great opinion of the world’s tastiest food?”

Therefore, I selected this restaurant very carefully. It was basically a toss up between this place and “Italianets” (which is located next-door). Thank god we chose Giovanni’s!!!

To me, Italian food is simple, hearty, and tasty. It’s basically peasant food—therefore CHEAP! When I walked into Giovanni’s, I immediately sensed true Italian simplicity, cheapness and peasantry. Very nice atmosphere with 80s disco tunes playing. Reminded me very much of the music of the legendary Italian genius Eddy Huntington. (Right: At Giovanni's you not only bask in the benius of Italian food, wine and service, but also in the finest of Italian music)

Menu is really small and simple. Pizzas are 350-420 rubles, pastas are up to 350 rubles. The pizza size was quite large, and the taste was excellent! Couldn’t understand how they can keep their prices so low for such high quality food! That is, until I received my pasta - it was microscopically small. In my true style, I ate it in less than two minutes, and have felt fuller after eating a piece of chewing gum. However, the taste wasn’t bad. We took two beers, a pizza, two pastas, two glasses of wine, two coffees and a dessert and the bill came to about 2000 rubles. Great value for Moscow! Service was spot on.

Dear readers, I seem to have uncovered a conspiracy! This restaurant is physically attached to another Italian restaurant called “Italianets”, which is a very pafosny Italian restaurant. From what I understood, the head chef is the same for both places, and the layout of both restaurants (one behind the other) would suggest that they also have ONE KITCHEN! So why does the pasta at Giovanni’s cost 420 rubles and at Italianets it costs 1200?!?!?!?!? It’s the same friggin ingredients, the same friggin chef and, it seems, even the same f***ing kitchen? Is this not the most obvious evidence of screwing you’ve ever seen????

In my books, no pasta in the WHOLE WORLD can possibly cost 1200 rubles unless it’s made by Leonardo daVinci himself! I checked out the entrance to Italianets when I walked by. It’s bordered by a kiosk and an “Avtozapchasti”. So what makes it so special? Is there something we don’t know about? Such as an INVISIBLE WALL OF PAFOS which makes prices 3-4 times higher in this particular zone of the building?

Ok, so I haven’t been there (and will definitely NEVER go there), but it doesn’t take a genius to understand that it’s a rip off! Even an Italian could grasp this concept!

I urge you NEVER to go to Italianets. At Giovanni’s you can get the same stuff for a third of the price. And when you receive the bill, your level of satisfaction will be much higher than if you’d gone to Italianets.

Conspiracy uncovered!