DRUZHBA

     Type: Chinese
     Address: Novoslobodskaya ul., 4
     Phone: 8499 973-12-12
     Web: www.drugba.ru/index.php?name=restaurants

     Novoslobodskaya

                                                          Price: 800 rub p/p

                                                               Shit-o-meter: -1 stars

 

HAVE YOU BEEN LOOKING FOR AN AUTHENTIC CHINESE RESTAURANT IN MOSCOW???

I mean authentic Chinese-Western. Not authentic Chinese-Chinese. Not the kind of place where your chicken claw is served so undercooked that it looks more like jelly than chicken, and is practically dripping off the chopsticks. I mean Chinese which is so full of MSG that you can’t understand where the Gulaorou starts and the L-glutamate finishes. The kind of Chinese where you know the chicken shouldn’t be grey, but you eat it anyway coz it’s fried and sooo delicious (but mostly because it cost $4 for a decent serve).

I found one! It’s called Druzhba (which has nothing to do with the behaviour of the waiters unfortunately). I think it’s more to do with the Chinese projecting an image of peace and friendship, while quietly exacting a plan of world domination through mass migration.

 (Warning to those travelling to China: If your chicken looks like this - it's overcooked)

First impression was of the okhranik who greeted me with great warmth at the entrance (almost fell over backwards—he was so friendly!). Waiter led me to the table through a labyrinth of small rooms and corridors—the place is deceptively huge! Friendly okhranik? “Deceptive” restaurant layout? Again—Chinese cunning. It’s all part of their plan.

A good sign was that there were a lot of Chinese people eating here! But perhaps that’s because the menu was in Chinese and, therefore the only place they can go and understand what they’re eating. Or possibly they were just Kazakhs being paid to act like Chinese to boost the image of the restaurant. I mean it’s not hard, you just squint your eyes and make noises like “chow ching cho choo”. The Chinese conspiracy deepens!

We got the forest mushrooms, corn, sweet & sour pork, lemon chicken, fried rice, fruit dipped in caramel, plus some Tsingtao beer. Pork and mushrooms were spot on, corn was plain weird and lemon chicken was well off the mark (though thankfully not dripping off the stick). The fruit dessert was excellent and original. To my surprise, the bill came to 3600, which, for four of us comes to around 850 rubles! Was completely full after that (unusual for me).

I’ll come back here for sure. Mainly for the value for money. There aren’t many places you can go these days and overeat, plus drink alcohol for under 1000 rubles.

But perhaps this is part of the “Greater China” plan. Lure people here with value for money, wean them onto a Chinese diet… then BANG (or should I say CHANG) before you know it they’re in control of our governments!(Right: It's already begun...)

Fortunately I feel safe in Russia, as Russians have no idea what value for money is. Therefore this plan could never work...